Feel Ok

Today, I spent sometime writing, and grappling with myself. I was able to concentrate, but found myself feeling the task of writing a book to be such a huge task. Several mental health tips required to keep at it, when ADD brain wants to kick in and distract with something shiny, or more interesting or more fun. With the prospect of showing work to others, and laying bare my own opinions and ideas to potential rejection, and criticism, it does somewhat intrigue me to wonder how far some people would shun you for what you write. Vancouver is a pretty laid back town, but everyone has at least one thing that is off limits, don't they?

It's not been a vacation. This is a mental gym. I stretch, and run every morning for an hour, sticking to a routine that feels good. If I am to get what I want in life, I will have to commit to some sort of routine, to break away at the ice between me and how I want to feel, how I want to be. It disgusts me sometimes to look at the years, and endless journal entries of working at oneself. I realized today, all this writing is to do one thing: to feel ok. All I have to do is just feel ok. I don't have to talk about my feelings, I don't have to meticulously plan my days. Just feel ok. Off to watch Marley & Me, and possibly some volleyball on the sand court across from the gymnasio.