Life is for the Living

I haven't been blogging. I have been struggling as of late with the whole idea of sharing my life with strangers. Being open has always been a trait I've admired about myself, but how far to go? I intend to reveal to you that fine line; feel free to comment if you feel I've crossed it. Primarily a good rule would be to keep names out of it, unless of course that person gave you consent. Nothing like someone googling their name and finding explicit information about themselves floating around on www. Next, it has to be important to consider you, the reader. Do you really want to hear a big long story about someone you don't even know? Keep it relevant, informational; a little back story can't hurt but make it brief.

Tonight my girlfriend and I agreed to not see each other anymore. She has become such an amazing friend, and helped me so much in learning about myself. Somehow though, I was relieved when we said goodbye. She helped me see that I had done this same thing everytime we had broken up in the past. It got me thinking about what was going on. The same thing was happening inside me, over and over again - crave intimacy and closeness, then lose myself in feeling responsible for my partner's emotions. I just googled codependency and found the CODA website. Everything there relates to exactly how I feel. Here's the link:

www.codependents.org/tools4recovery/patterns.php

That being said, I only need to be aware of these patterns, and have the courage to break through them with everyone I meet. Labels can be so dangerous and limiting. Maybe I'm not treating it with the respect it deserves, but I've always believed in facing my fears and weaknesses head on.

You know what? I just want to write for myself. Maybe this blog was meant for me to share what's going on with me to others without the direct exchange in person? This could be healthy for me, a way to be very honest with myself, and know that I could be judged, or misinterpreted, and it's all ok.

I remember being very young and asking all my friends if they liked me or not. It was torture. Covering that up with charm, humour and goofiness was enough to get the love I wanted from people. That being said, I refuse to let this stop me. I have come a long way since those days, and I feel even more positive and inspired about growing and learning. Maybe hearts will be broken, maybe there will be disappointments, but I declare to the world that I will be responsible, and considerate of others in a healthy, fair way. In a roundabout way, I've brought my title into this post. No matter how many embarrassing, or difficult, or uncomfortable situations come up in your future, just take it one moment at a time and smile through it all. It will shift for you, and you will eventually be so glad for the experience of coming through it.