New Beginnings

My parents have been going through a slough of funerals lately, and finally they get to go to a cousin's wedding today, in Stettler. Also, my buddy Steve back in Vancouver is getting married today as well. I love weddings; someday I'll be a wedding singer on the side, that's how much I like them.

Also, I had been thinking of an old FBV oilfield operator that I used to work with over the last couple days, Dave Kastik. He was a hell of a crazy character and I liked him a lot. I was seriously thinking of fb'ing his daughter Sandra and asking how he was, when I found out he lost his fight in the ICU at Red Deer. I'm not sure of the circumstances, but I am glad that I was thinking of him, and had some time to honour his time on earth. It's a stark reminder to just get going on this life thing.

So, I am. I spent 2 hours walking around the gymnasium last night starting around 9 pm, thinking about my life, and getting some clarity. I had spent months at a time, in times past, with books, and writing, and examinations, and tests, to figure out where I wanted to put my energies in life. I knew I wanted to avoid making the same mistakes, and find something that fit me. I took an honest look and inventory of what I've been over the last 20 years of working or so.

I have been a warehouse supply salesman, an oil operator, a oilfield maintenance man, an oilfield warehouseman, a hire-a-student, an oilfield tanker gopher, an oilfield computer inventory manager, a college & university student, a hotel front-desk clerk, a night auditor, a telecommunications salesman, an oilfield PCV admin/warehouseman, a veterinarian office manager, a construction worker, a pet cremation delivery driver, an actor, a model, a handyman business owner, an ESL teacher, and a building manager.

I've just about done everything under the sun, or so it seems, and it is a different kind of blue-print; one that shows a lonely, scared, sad man running from place to place trying to find his place. I never knew about Taoism, and finding one's centre; I always thought it was something to do with the job. Well, it does to a point, but when you're so anxious about going to work because the skills required are ones that are not usual for you, or have been practiced enough to feel comfortable. For example, I grew up a very shy, introverted kid, and suddenly I'm being asked to sell to hundreds of people everyday; every product known to man, and with sales managers breathing down the neck in a city I never wanted to move to. I know I chose that job, but it scary to think what I got myself into just because I was scared to be 'not good enough'. It really was a horrible, scary experience for me, and I realized I spent 14 years trying to come to terms with it. I finally did. It happened, move on. Move on with greater force, and purpose, and let nothing stop me. This experience made me who I am today, and I like who I am today, so I really can't complain. I still have air in my lungs, and this fresh perspective is all I need to get going.

So, after Eddy, my folks, and Paula, this internet post will be the first public proclamation of what I want to do in my life. I'll call it a travelling life/career educator for young people, specifically high schools and possibly junior highs. I love the age group, and understand their mix of ambition, energy, hormones, and confusion. They have a really tough time, and today's kids have it really hard in some ways: too many choices, too many distractions, too many temptations. Despite this, so many turn out to be great adults, but I think we all owe it to ourselves, and society, to take time to help out that one hidden voice, that one person that feels so lost and alone. Because in my opinion, our value as a society, and a group, or community can only really be gauged, or measured, by the quality of life of our most lost, and most confused, and most downtrodden. Call me a socialist. I just see the people that are struggling more, and I think they can be a much more powerful, positive influence in our world if they just had some help figuring out their brains, and getting some direction. I feel I am the man for that job. And having a job that I love, and means something to me, and gets me up in the morning, can have an effect on all other aspects of my life. All that from just a few hours walking around the gymnasium.

Oh, and I was able to download a youtube video of my house tour. Join me!