Honesty

From the eternal question "Do I look fat in this", to saying every little thing that pops up in your mind, the balancing act of honesty, integrity, and saying the right thing has only recently floated to the top of my consciousness.

I grew up extremely shy, and relied on my sister to do most of the talking. Our family never spoke about deep or intimate things, nor were we big huggers. There was lots of love there, just not a lot of verbal communication. As I met two female friends, Laurie Van Straten and Christine Erichsen, in high school, it will always be the time I remember starting to open up emotionally to others, as well as intellectually.

There was usually a fear of truly showing myself to people, and only certain people got the real Jason. Trouble was to be had several times as I said things to people thinking I was helping when in fact the source of the news was pissed that I shared that info with someone else. I've since learned to keep secrets, and ask permission, although it does tend to pop out sometimes when I'm trying to entertain, or break the ice. In fact, it's simply my inherent desire to make myself feel comfortable. The anxiety can be so unnerving and tiring everyday I just feel I have nothing to lose.

Everyone needs to find their own personal balance with the truth. A friend of mine in University used to say he thought it was ok to receive oral sex from someone other than his girlfriend as he didn't consider it cheating. I was judgemental, but I was also fascinated with his ability to feel no guilt about it. Much of my past life in relationships intimately and friendly skirted with guilt, and was kept innocent with lots of jokes and goofy behaviour. Sex always seemed so carnal and distant to me; I guess it's why I had to be drunk a lot before to have it. Alcohol and drugs cooled off the anxious feelings and thoughts enough for me to at least talk to a woman I was attracted to. Otherwise, I had to resort to women approaching me, or to get into situations I might not always want.

They say the truth can set you free, but my question to you is this: If you think something, does that mean it's true?