Tough NUt

I had regretted my decision to take on the teaching job, but felt it necessary to go down to Olla Que Mada, as I had given my word to do so. The music, and company turned out to be wonderful, and I casually conversed and teased with most everyone at the table. Turned out to be a great night, but much too much rum and coke. The morning was filled with dread, but I walked it out, and came up with some ideas for the class.

By the time I had gotten to Quetzal Trekkers, I was hoping secretly that they wouldnt answer the door. I just felt sick at the thought of having to go into a classroom again. Well, I did it, and I was fine. The administrator praised me, and said he had never seen the students so engaged before. But I just wasnt comfortable, and was looking at the watch, hoping for it to end.

I whiled away the afternoon watching Braveheart for the first time. Like the story of Che, a man dies for what he believes in, betrayed by the very people he stood to die for. Like Jesus. There was something that I related to there, being so virtuous in my love for people, then hating them for not idolizing me.

I am not sure if I am the only one to develop a coping strategy of ..... if I dont succeed at something Im actually denying to myself that I enjoy or feel comfortable at, I need to work harder and make it work, because if I dont I am a failure.

The afternoon was spent dreaming about what a job would look like that I actually felt comfortable in. I would excel like nobodys business, and be in the top of my field in only a few years. Thats whats on the line.

Inspired also to realize that we share the same cells as plant life, only our cells have adapted to a slightly different way of existing.