Bearded Monkey Feelings

Against feelings of discomfort, anxiety, and body focus, love and connectedness and being in the zone is a challenge. No writing for 4 days. My writing has been like the Sedins in the playoffs against Nashville. Prone to writer's block. I have so much to say, but it just doesn't seem to feel right. So, its back to writing stream of consciousness, and just getting it out.

Some strange affairs of the heart, or lack thereof in the last couple days.

There just isn't a cut and dried way to live, and thats been hard to accept. Its hard to accept that I will have to wake up every day for the rest of my life and start again........... or do I? I think the definition of an adult is someone who has accepted the truth of their life. A transcended human being is someone who takes whatever disadvantages of being human i.e. fears, challenges, and makes the absolute best of it. Why bother? why not just sit in front of the tv and be entertained couch potato style?

Hey I would give anything, or take something away from someone else just to feel ok. What is the point of any animal feeling strange? Its somewhat comical to have an anaimal feeling strange. Shows the power of the human mind to take itsself out of the game, to overfocus on something irrelevant. Todays technologically, and socailly complicated world, some of us have to adapt or perish. We cant just live. It has to be an awareness, a work in progress.

Of biggest acceptance in the last few days was that its ok for humans to perish, by their own hands. If we, as a biologically adapted species, are unable to control ourselves, and simply be the spectators of the ark that passes us by, then we must go the way of the dinosarur. it is not my responsibility anymore to save the world. I can only save my world.

Secondly, what the fuck is depression? It is a manufactured entity of the modern world. It is an opportunity for the system to make it self relevant. The health care industry is a business, and it is a big business. Depression is a result of a monkey being put in a cage. Us monkeys, us humans, put ourselves in the cage. There is noone to blame, noone who will coem and save us. We have to use all of our evolutionary skills to get out of it. And it involves extremely bold steps that 99 percent of people will not get out by themselves. They will need to rely on drugs and mcdonalds. But if they can break away from their own evolutionary pitfalls, and reach out, take chances, believe in something bigger for themselves, anything is possible.

Chronic pain, physical maladies without any cause are a direct result of not doing the things that keep human beings happy. Connection, doing something interesting that engages oneself. Staying away from things that stress out quite a vulnerable little creature.

Nice to blab again............feels great.

And, on the parts front, they are out of the Managua airport as of 1230 this afternoon, and are probably across the lake in Rivas tomorrow. Now, trusting the process and the guys, my mechaic should have the box tomorrow. Go guys. After 2 and a half weeks, I feel that when I am on that bike again, it will be like starting all over again. Has been the most interesting experience of exploration, and some really fun times, with lots of laughter.