A Child's Pain

Again, my ego and egg-shell thin confidence allowed me to sweep the sleep talking under the mat. I had either slept alone, or didn't sleep at all around others for 8 months, but mostly the first. In my earlier incarnations, specifically hostelling in Australia 18 years ago, I just ignored the potential social embarrassments the next day after a yell, or scream in the night, dealing with the aftermath. I dramatize for your benefit, but for me, I could just die in my skin.

All of the embarrassing moments of the past came rushing back in a flood of emotions. So, when one of my roommates I hadn't met yet mentioned it this morning, I was aghast, and a bit speechless. He said that the night before, he and his girlfriend thought I was talking to someone on my cellphone in the middle of the night. (I have been known to surprise people with the clarity of my speaking, although it always ends up in very clear nonsense) But when I talked again last night, they realized I was indeed sleep talking. I told him I was embarrassed, and he said "you don't need to worry about this. You cannot control it. Every person should be able to understand that." He gave me some perspective and I started to tear up, as the emotional wall came down.

Only the computer screen saw my tears, confiding in it with a release of pent up embarrassment, and a deep sense of inadequacy melted away, if only for a moment. it is crucial to acknowledge the fragility of being human, thus healing that inner child who doesn't understand, or can't cope. Then, it is time to do what humans do best, and move on from it. Get up, dust off, and get back into life. And next time, tell everyone in the room that you're a sleeptalker.