It’s the night before we arrive in Belem, 2 days after schedule. Word is that we will be in the port at 5 am. My bags and personal items are all ready to go. I also elected to don all my leathers to not only be ready for the morning, but to stay warm on my final night. It was a glorious night for personal victories. My friend Lisa and the Ellingson family had taught me the Wizard card game back in 2001, and she had even bought me my own set for a birthday a year or so later. Despite the game’s popularity in my mind, I had only shared it with other people once in all those years. The second time was tonight. I was hesitant to bring it out although several people were avid card players on the boat. I knew I was unsure of some of the rules, and the instructions were not clear in that regard. But, I mustered my courage and asked 5 other people to join me in a game after dinner. To complicate things, we were unable to find a place to play, with the boat’s top deck windy, rainy, and the middle packed with people on the ground and in the hammocks. We tried the basement floor of the boat, and lucked out with the first mate’s desk which we took over. We had two other players who also joined us, but I had to send them away, as only 6 were the maximum allowed.
As expected, several unclear rules played themselves out within the first few rounds of our practice games. Some were getting frustrated and annoyed, but I stayed calm and focused, and believed we would see it through. As we solidified all the rules that weren’t clear, I made sure to write them down in the instruction book so that I would know for next time. I wouldn’t have done that if I believed I wasn’t good enough, and therefore wouldn’t need to, because I would never ask anyone to play again! Instead, everyone loved the game, and mentioned they would have liked that I brought it out sooner.
In earlier news, I made a pass at someone and asked if I had made her feel uncomfortable. I guess I just felt so damn comfortable speaking to her, I just did what I felt I wanted to. Isn’t that what everyone does? I ignored all the books and advice on women, and just went with my feelings. In the end, it felt a bit embarrassing, but much better to know I put myself out there, authentic and real. That’s what was cool. Anyways, it wasn’t that much, just a stroke on the arm. I also downloaded my photos onto one of the kids’ mom’s computer and she was enraptured by them. The Amazon was so interesting today; the passage became very narrow in places, and the shores often displayed homes or boats of some kind. I realized I hold a lot of tension in my body, and it is my job to remember to release it. I want to have kids I want to have a wife. I want to be the best man I can be. Not for my parents, or to compete with others, or to do what I am supposed to do. But to just be the best for others around me, to be ready and prepared when someone needs something, and also to be there for me. Feeling good, strong, and ready for the day. I’ve sacrificed myself by giving into ‘pain’, and not fighting to be the awesome guy that i know i can be. Again, not to be popular, or to get something, but just to live life in a different realm this way. I think children need teachers and mentors that are smarter, quicker, and more successful than any of the CEO’s out there making $12 million on the bonuses or stock options. I believe that if children have the ability to understand the differences between what they think, and who they can be, we can solve most of the worlds’ problems in one generation.
My hammock is swinging so much i’m banging into Mar’s head, who is sleeping with her head on the side. Perhaps it is time to join the sleeping regiment of hammocks......