excerpts from The Tao of Inner Peace Diane Dreher

Only one woman I knew didn't play this game. Pat told us when she was busy, when she could meet for lunch or tea. Phone calls with her averaged five minutes at most. Centred and disciplined, she was writing a novel and selling short stories while the rest of us squandered our energies over the wires.

Years of pleasing others had made her emotionally numb. Even her movements were stiff, almost mechanical. Out of touch with her centre, she met other people's needs until opposing loyalties turned conflict into crisis. The opposing "shoulds" were pulling her apart.

Intelligent and strong minded, Jim succeeds in every venture until he suddenly loses interest. Once the initial excitement fades, he decides this career isn't right for him and moves on. His centre, his identity, always remains outside. The elusive goal beckons, just beyond his grasp, promising this time.

What makes an intelligent woman such a chameleon? She keeps placing her cetnre outside in the hands of the man she loves. Once she gives herself away Christa becomes compulsively attached to her man, fussing, clinging and driving him crazy when he pulls away, strangled by her.

At birth all people are soft and yielding.
At death they are hard and stiff.
All green plants are tender and yielding.
At death they are brittle and dry.
When hard and rigid,
we consort with death.
When soft and flexible,
We affirm greater life. - Tao 76

Duane Elgin writes in Voluntary Simplicity that "Our civilizational crisis has emerged in no small part from the gross disparity that exists between our relatively underdeveloped 'inner faculties' and the extremely powerful external technologies now at our disposal. "As it is within, so it is without." An imbalanced world results from personal imbalance The Tao teaches uws to slow down, look within, and make wiser choices.

Lyle began work early, helping run his parents' theater in Little Falls, MN and found "there was always something interesting to do." Part of his detachment is humility. Over the years, he's worked with contractors, plumbers, and electricians, doing much of the work himself. "I never felt I was better than anyone I hired, " he told us. "Everything is an interesting job, a challenge," and he added again, "I never felt there was anything I don't like to do." People like Lyle live with wholeness of purpose, avoiding inner conflict. They embrace everything they do with interest and enthusiasm, the joy of Tao.

Living harmoniously takes effort. It's easy to fall into lazy thought patterns, succumbing to anger, resentment, self-pity, or the other negative emotions that tug away at us, dragging us into destructive cycles.