Tree Roots, & Tree Tops

I have questioned everything. I have went to the brink once again, and pulled myself back. I know that worrying about my life is a complete and utter waste of time; that knowledge doesn't necessarily help me in stopping. What does help me stop is actually practicing shifting my focus, shifting my attention away from what is bothering me. From the annals of Buddha & Tao, the rooms filled with silent meditation, I know now my years of running around trying to occupy myself, and distract myself from what I really want in my life has wreaked havoc. I'm 38 years old and more lost than ever. This is perfect. For the first time, I feel hope that I can really find myself. In finding myself, I mean being myself.

This world is so full of distractions for me; loud noises, confusion, so many choices, so many people asking things, TV, media, music............ for me, I've felt it impossible at times to feel ok about being myself. The key has been getting away from it all, and being forced to deal with myself. I now know the power lies within me. My world is me. I am my world, and the more centred I become, the more I create my world from the inside out, the better I feel about living.

Finca Bellavista

Decided to ask the group at a bar I dropped into where I could pitch a tent, and a gringo happened to hear me. He told me he had what I was looking for, and to take my time eating dinner and join them after finishing. It was a couple from Colorado who had moved to Costa Rica after a wicked surf trip and falling in love with the area. I'm now in an Ewok Village/Swiss Family Robinson treetop community, sustainable and connected with zip lines with toucans flying through the air, and beetles the size of your boots in the grass. I will be here working/volunteering and writing about their experiences for one week, helping them prepare for an open house on Sunday. The project has flirted with celebrity from being the subject of interviews from around the world, and as nearly half of their lots have confirmed owners, will continue to be a source of interest for people looking at alternative living.

Love in the Dark

And i need you now tonight and i need you more than ever and if you'll only hold me tight we'll be holding on forever and we'll only be making it right cause we'll never be wrong together we can take it to the end of the line your love is like a shadow on my all of the time I don't know what to do i'm always in the dark living in a powderkeg and giving off sparks i really need you tonight forever's gonna start tonight once upon a time there was light in my life now there's only love in the dark There's nothing I can do but total eclipse of the heart!

In an era of self-importance, and 'Me' culture, people that care for others a lot, and themselves a tiny bit, can be left out in the cold. The world is changing so fast, it is suicide to see yourself as a static, stock character: to survive you must change, or at least to feel accepted, and part of society as a whole. We do, and feel our best when we're not conscious of ourselves, and not aware of any body sensations like pain, or any internal dialogues of thought.

Mark David Chapman, John Lennon's killer, spoke of Big People, and Little People that waged a war in his head; the Little People won the night he put 4 bullets into The former Beatle. Chapman was beat without reason or remorse as a child by his father, and if a child is sensitive this can be the undoing, or unravelling for the rest of their life. Antisocial behaviours can go unnoticed, or unexplained for entire lives, and then if acted out, we put them in jail to exist behind bars until they die. What about the grandfather who molests, the father who beats, the mother that ignores or verbally abuses, the sister that teases, the community that doesn't reach out? They're only to be interviewed after something happens saying they just can't believe that their son, or brother, or sister could have done something so horrible. But they just weren't aware of cause and effect, or awake enough to see their own responsibility in the raising of a child.

I don't have any answers, if only to draw attention to my own awareness of connection - everything is connected. Yes, people have to be expected to have personal control and to be model social citizens, but if things start to get off the track, it will probably continue given the way our society runs today, and what people find important. Hey, there's been crazy people around for thousands of years, but maybe it's the same things that keeps on making them crazy. 75% of a child's brain is developed by the age of 6, and we, as a society, need to do a hell of a lot better as parents, and as a community in ensuring our children have healthy brains, and healthy hearts.

Most people are able to have kids after a simple act of fornication, and I've seen so many young, young girls with babies down here. I'm 38 years old and feel unable to raise a child properly, how could they? I know I'm being way to hard on myself. It's better to just ignore what could happen in the future and do the best with what you have. Havoc and turmoil have played parts in our lives since we began, and it won't stop now. I guess I just get in my head sometimes about people, and our future together.

Tirar De Basura Parta Treis

I moved some garbage around. 8 hours with a wheel barrow, rake, shovel and thick gloves from a labour standpoint, overcoming a fear of homeless people, and dogs, snakes and needles from an emotional. In the heart of the most dangerous, run-down and sad part of downtown San Jose, it seemed ridiculous to venture out into an empty lot and clean up garbage. From our 5th floor fire exit, it excited me to be able to make a change, imagining a green area full of life instead of plastic, & rubber. It was to be a internal journey in and of itself, and I was not prepared for the rollercoaster of thoughts that beset me throughout.

Without firm statistics, I can only guess that an average Costa Rican creates much less garbage than a North American in one year. I also believe that there are only a few Latin Americans that throw their garbage on the streets: whether they're poor, or just careless. The only difference is that in some areas, their garbage is visible, and ours is not as much. The problem still exists in both countries - what to do, and should we even care, for care's sake?

Well, I couldn't expect anything to change if I was part of the problem. I've had so many cravings for Taco Bell, I think from the advertising, but there's just too much packaging in one meal. My money can help a small restaurant much more than funneling it back to Headquarters in California, or Kentucky. You wouldn't believe the lineups here for KFC, Taco Bell and McDonalds, and they're not cheap. People just aren't eating at home as much anymore.

Change

It is soon time to pull up anchor from the place I've called home, San Jose, Costa Rica. I've had more realizations of myself and the world, and am unclear of my future, except to know that I continue the journey. The bike, and Panama will be waiting for me on Monday morning. So many emotions, and thoughts, and desires; they must all fall to the wayside as I continue.

Today It's Your Birthday

4o years ago today, a beautiful and precocious baby Ginger was born to two loving, and expectant parents. She was their first together, a symbol of love's enduring power, spanning the Atlantic ocean and forever binding Liverpool, England with Vancouver, BC. It was this unique blend of The Beatles and Uncle Ernie's farm that created the sensational woman we know today: Bonnie Katherine Kilroe. With a passion for entertainment, and a sincere love for every living creature, she leaves a lasting impression wherever she goes. She certainly did for me.

Bonnie taught me about love, about what it takes to surrender to someone and trust. Those fragile, and tentative first steps towards each other began on the beach without a stitch of clothing to cover ourselves. It was her who offered an invitation to see each other again, and I gladly accepted, albeit in a cool, calm fashion. She rolled into the patio of that Yaletown restaurant literally, looking outrageous in her summer dress and rollerblades. Chastising me for looking at her profile as we bladed around Stanley Park, she showed a unique, and so rare side many of us prefer to cover up: her shyness and vulnerability. I proudly guided her through the darkness, as we had continued into the summer evening, avoiding pot holes and obstacles along the way. We spent much time learning to trust each other, and eventually fall in love.

Her ability to juggle the needs of others, and her own, and still be a working performer, left me wanting to protect her and control her actions to minimize any pain. She steadfastly refused to change, and had the courage to deal with life however fast and furious it may have come. We supported each other, and every time I left because I wouldn't let myself show, or feel any intense emotions, she would take me back and give it another shot. She is a testament to love, a testament to inner strength, and believing in possibility.

I had an almost imperceptible desire to love and be loved when we first met, but her fortitude, and belief in the power of love, made me want to be a better man. We had an amazing time together and I am so fortunate our paths crossed, and blessed to have known this beautiful woman. The world is such a better place with Bonnie in it. I am such a better man as well.

La Fiesta Memorable

Da Vinci y Madame Curie se sentaron juntos, y ellos hablaron de un nuevo idea con un avion radioactiva por distribuir las vacunas, un conversacion muy ruidoso perro el frente, Bryan Adams y Shakespeare tuvieron un conversacion en voz baja de lyricos poete y dio una mirada de critica a Leonardo y Marie. Jason estuvo necessito Cleopatra fue cerca a mi por que yo puse controlar ella energia sexual, perro a lado de, Sunil fue un hombre con muchas suerte por que Madonna fue izquierda, juntos ellos hablaron de sexo, control, y religion. Alan y "Coronel" Sanders hablaron de Kentucky, y Sanders y Sven Kramer fuiron el hefes de comida (pollo frito) con la combinacion de muy hoven y muy viejo, ambos cerca de cucina. Jackie Kennedy fue necessaria para separar la energia machista de Pele y Simon Bolivar en esperar. Barbara Walters y Johnny Carson fuieron el entre la mesa por entrevistar todos gentes. Eva Peron estuve al lado de Daniel que fue muy interesante conversacion de embalsamar ella cuerpo. Jesus estuve cerca Eric y hablaron de el patinaje Olympico. Karina Estefan fue entre Eva Peron y Bryan Adams, el mejor photographia de celebridad, y su cantante favorito. Ellos salieron juntos.

A Mother's Love

I returned from a dinner and drinks with a waitress I had met at a restaurant last night and it was an enlightening, but depressing conversation. Cecilia moved from Nicaragua to Costa Rica 16 years ago for a better life for her and her mom and sister; 4 other kids and father stayed there. Her father put her mother's hands on the stove to teach her a lesson on how to make tortillas. Cecilia's own husband resorted to physical violence too; it's the Nico way representative of Ortega, so she says. At 30, she's worked for 17 years straight without seeing anything outside of San Jose. She lives for her kids: she only wants to make them happy. She wants to give them nice clothes, nice shoes, a nice house; what mother doesn't? I'm not sure she believed me when I told her I didn't think Canadians were much happier........ of course it's not my right to speak for 30 million others, but my thoughts were that no matter what you have, it's the human condition to want more.

I paid for the meal, and drinks for both of us, about $22. I gave our server $40, and when the change returned, I gave it all to Cecilia, and told her it was for her kids. How did she respond? "Peexza". Not hot dogs and potatoes even. "Peexza". Why the hell would she be so happy to give her kids "Peexza"?

I'm just disgusted right now I'm full of anger at the state of advertising, the state of our stinky world that's created this world where if you want to sell something, you can. It really doesn't matter what the impact is on families, you can sell it, because you know, people will want it. If you just have to pay some money, and POP! your food comes out without the least bit of effort, it doesn't matter that you had to work 3 weeks to afford that 'peexza', you, and your kids are going to want it. Because it tastes good.

A large percentage of the money we spend on our products in the grocery store goes to advertising, not to mention bloated corporate salaries. This is not something you will see on Dateline NBC, because 100% of their income comes from advertising! First, if it is our money that's being spent on products, it should be our decision how the advertising goes. Advertising's sole purpose is to get people to buy their products.

Food in Costa Rica is expensive. Cecilia makes $80/week: $100/month for rent + 50 or so for utilities. Doesn't leave much for food........... food that is being charged at a rate to include advertising.

Does anyone really give a shit that some waitress in San Jose only wants to buy her kids a pizza that's going to burn the entire $20 some idiot Canadian gave her in hopes of making her kid's life better? Does it help ease the pain if we have stocks in these companies, these companies that solely want to entice a new generation of buyers?

Who cares if they're obese? Who cares if they can't wait for their next fix of Taco Bell, where they simply have to have the money (money possibly stolen from some tourist) to get it, and then throw their plastic, and paper packaging into the garbage?

EVERYTHING is connected. There is no simple answer, except to stop want, stop greed.

El Maestro

Picasso creo mas de 50,000 piezas de arte y el tuvo mas muchas aficionadas. Gano muchas dineros en el vida, perro el fui muy posesivo con las pinturas, el vendio solo las pinturas que el necesito vivir. Fui un partidario de Partido de Comunista perro no se gusta demonstrar. Cuando el tuve 13 anos, el papa dijo siente se hijo fui el mejor pintura y ayudo con escuila artes. El vivio en France fui un adulto, y encontro los otros artistas como Matisse y Stravinsky. Durante El Segundo Guerro de Mundo, el recibio laton para el arte de la Resistencia Francais por que El Alemans no permite usar el material. Oy, es muy interesante por que un electrician retirado tuvo 271 piezas de arte de Picasso, y el su dice un regalo de El Maestro y el segundo esposa.

Garbage Part 2

Successfully seconded a wheelbarrow, shovel, rake, and gloves from the hotel to attack the fenced in area behind the area and the garbage that's been there for a while. They called back while I was gone to say they changed their minds and would have a company do it (they thought I was cleaning their property, but it's actually aways from it) Turns out it's a pile of garbage that's grown over, and I think i destroyed someone's home, if you call an Imperial Beer patio umbrella and a Xmas tree on it's side a home. I'm sure it wasn't, but I saw a guy over there rooting around. Of course I'm intruding, I'm putting my nose where it shouldn't be, but who the hell is really going to stop me cleaning up garbage? I've befriended the dogs that live there, and they know I'm alpha. The mechanic across the street knew me from a couple days ago when I took my special Coleman accesorized cooler in to be bolted on to my bike rack, and he came through the fence and up the hill just to say hi and tell me about the bike rally on Sunday in Savanna Park.

Overall, it's good timing as the dry season is coming soon, and with the cardboard, wood, plastic bags, automotive parts, and everything in between up off the ground, the beautiful pink flowers growing in spots will have a better chance to grow further. A small, insignificant act that gave me some exercise and made a quick and noticeable change. I'll be back there tomorrow.

Composición

El organización sin fines de lucro "Salva El Lagartija Jesus Cristo" fue ademas la puerta de una otra organizacion, mas siniestra organizacion: "Destruye Todas Las Represas". Por que el lagartija usa muchas aguas por corre, es necessito. La mamasita de el organizacion, Karina Estefan, con el pelo rizado, y un rifle, es una estrella en el mundo de medio ambiente. Frecuentemente, casi todo de lo trabajo hecho en el crucero, cuando su papa investiga el habito sexual de los lagartijas. Con su amigonovya, Kevin el Segundo, Karina despide a las ballenas y empieza ella trabajo.