My original host changed his plans 2 days before arrival, so Katia had jumped in to save me, but only until the 4th. After a couple days at her house, she said I could stay as long as I wanted. Then, on the morning of the 3rd, she said her gramma was coming home and it would be too difficult for 3 guests to stay, so I would have to leave as planned, on the 4th. I was certain I had done something wrong, and immediately went into a childlike state of hurt, and resentment. I knew what was going on inside me, and used my skills to be mature, and gentle about the process. It was painful, but I made the day as best as I could, and had found another host had sent me a message to stay at his house already. But it didn't take away the deep feeling of guilt and that there was something wrong with me.
I started packing my things on the afternoon of the 4th; we had stayed up until 5 am that morning at the Carnival Ball, and I didn't wake up until 2 pm. Katia then said her grandmother was not going to come out of hospital until after carnaval, and I could stay. My pride, and 'doing the right thing' was strong, and I said Bernardo was expecting me after 11 am and I should stay to the plan, but really I was just still hurt about having to go. Then we all sat down for some wine and a nice dinner and I thought can i give this attitude up? Can I see this as a great opportunity to ignore my own selfish thoughts, and change? I asked her "were you serious about me staying?" She said "Do you want to stay?" I said, "yes!".
The pains in my body seemed to melt away, and the negative self-loathing thoughts were gone. I went on to have a connected evening out at carnaval, being chatty and comfortable. All from this release of guilt and self-punishment.
Edward Whitmont describes the phenomenon of “shadow projection”, as it is known in analytical psychology, very aptly in his book The Symbolic Quest:
This type of situation is so classical that one could almost play a parlour game with it if one wished to court social ruin. Ask someone to give a description of the personality type which he finds most impossible to get along with, and he will produce a description of his own repressed characteristics – a self-description which is utterly unconscious and which therefore always and everywhere tortures him as he receives its effect from the other person.
Unfortunately, although this shadowy side of the personality is usually “utterly” unconscious in the individual, it is not so hidden from everyone else, and the more repressed and unconscious it is, the more obvious it will become to others. Often we may hear a man declare, “I simply hate dictatorial people, they make everybody’s lives miserable,” and then, on another occasion, the wife or friend ssays, “Well, he really behaves like a tyrant sometimes, but whenever I try to tell him this he flies into a rage and I can’t make myself understood at all.”
When we find ourselves the victim of an emotional reaction that is out of proportion to the situation, or where we have such a reaction in regard to some situation that is not really within the range of our concern but is strictly someone else’s business, we should suspect that we are reacting to something of our own that we have not recognised as ours.
– Relating: An Astrological Guide to Living with Others on a Small Planet” – Liz Greene
Great insight and courage to move beyond!
ReplyDeleteThank you Dave
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