A Scanner Darkly

The animated movie adapted from Philip K. Dick's novel opened up some surprising realizations for me. Set in a world only 7 years from now, 'A Scanner Darkly' paints an all-too-real future possibility of government control, paranoia, and rampant substance abuse. But even in a seemingly impossibly difficult world, one could create their own world, to their own satisfaction, by surrounding themselves with like-minded people, and doing what they want.

My own mind continues to speak to me and tell me all the steps I have to take to be successful in this world. Get a good paying job, get a wife, have a couple kids. Go to the social functions, do the deeds. Where do these thoughts come from? This journey really showed me how much chatter my mind threw at me in a thinly veiled attempt to get somewhere, but I know now where that goes. There are no clearly marked roads for my life, and how I want to live it, but with some fun exploring, and searching, and investigating, I can find others who have gone before me, and gain strength from their wisdom.

The movie also helped me realize that there are no guarantees as a human being, despite the sunny commercials promising eternal happiness if you use their product. It can be easy to dream a life away perhaps because of all the happy, noisy distractions of movies, internet, texting. There seems to be a constant loudspeaker blaring in my mind saying "you can do better", "you can do better". This also takes away from the knowledge that my time here is extremely limited. In my case, my first priority is now me. My state of mind, my comfort, my enjoyment of existence. There are just so many things now that can distract me from living a good life, feeling good, and having hope for the future. I need to continue practicing listening to my body, and giving me time to look at my thoughts before I jump on them.

My parents told me they get a yellow substance on their lawn when it starts raining. It is from the sulfur processed at a plant 30 miles away and I just cant help wondering how many diseases have been caused from this. How confusing to think that we seem trapped in this cycle of industrialization that may also cause our terminal illnesses?