Eu sou paulista

almost 500 km to Sao paulo made in fine fashion, and safe at joao's house, my old student from Tamwood. He loves to call me old man. After this journey so far, I can be called anything. He says I've lost some weight. I definitely think so.

It was wonderful to reconnect. He' s a young, strong, bull-headed man ready to do what he has to, without any fear or thought as to consequences of humanity's actions, unlike me. We're somewhere above the 20th floor, and I had thoughts of jumping. I wouldn't, although I locked the patio door in case I tried in my sleep. It's challenging to hold two opposing views of the world directly in my own mind. The capitalist and the communist. I really want the world to settle down. Stop. stop going. But it won't. It just won't. Nobody, or nothing will stop it. It is an anthill of activity. This city of 23 million is just one of 6.5 billion. That is a big number. Jelly beans that could fill 1o skyscrapers, and each one of them ready to die for a new dress, or a new car, or a new house.

Am I just afraid of competition? Am I simply feeling inadequate? Would I feel differently if I was a high-powered lawyer with a bevy of beautiful models at my beck & call? Were I Charlie Sheen, would I really care about how much garbage one little human being produces?

This upset has to go somewhere. Stop caring. Stop carrying the world on my shoulders. Let it be.

I've heard a thousand people's advice over the years. I can only take from one: create my own life, in my own vision, and do what I feel is best. That is powerful to me.