To tie up most of my 4 days on the boat would be to say isolated, self-absorbed depressed self loathing. In a place where most would be in pure heaven I was in pure hell. Sublimed to read Where the Red Fern Grows, didn’t go visit the other boats with my crew, and stayed in bed as long as possible. I was comparing myself to others, specifically those who talked more, who seemed more of the centre of the party you know those who always have something to say. I just felt dumb......... I just felt like I didn’t have anything important or worthwhile to say and I gave into that completely. At my worst I felt like I was in a black hole, and it took some time for me to finally pull myself out of it. I just had visions of me stuck in my head for the rest of my life, unable to get out unable to shine, to live to breath. It was a humbling experience and one I must soon forget and move on. Still scared to push myself, so scared to be tired, so scared to put myself out there and really work at something, to feel uncomfortable. I get in these moods sometimes, and it's hard to get out.
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