Tough

Last evening was one of the most trying yet, mentally, emotionally and physically. I had just finished my Golden Feet acupressure, got picked up by Eddy so we could deliver a present to Ben for helping me with the bike. I had ordered some pizza from Gigi's, and we proceeded to pig out before heading out to the west end. By the time we got to his house, he wasn't home, so I took the jack out of the trunk, and brought it to his garage anyways. Meanwhile, hydraulic oil had been dripping on to my leg, as my forgetfulness as to how to dismantle the handle of this jack caused the entire oil nipple to pop out. I'm trying to fix this damn thing for 1/2 hour and Ben and Christina show up. I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable, being in their backyard, giving them a present that didn't work, and having my 82 year old friend with me. Just social anxiety stuff, but it discouraged me so much; talking to good friends I trust and love, and feeling so distant, so unloved and unwanted. I knew I was creating all this hardship in my own head, but it was hard to shake it. It took a long conversation with Bonnie to sort it out. Woke up this morning with a whole new attitude, but if I hadn't taken the time, or had been given the time, to settle down, who knows. What I learned from it was the ability to 'settle in' to the pains, not to panic, and to calm the thoughts down. Give it some emotional salve. When the body, mind and spirit are in disarray, it can be excruciately difficult sometimes to pull oneself together - but it is the only option. The precipice leads to a deep and scary well of negativity and sorrow.