Encouragement

After a week of sleeping on the beach with bugs biting, crabs scuffling, dogs barking-fighting, and monkeys howling, it truly all melted away when a friend sent a message about how something I had chronicled awhile ago meant something to her, and she was using it. That, and after almost finishing Christopher Reeves book Still Me, and the courage that comes from needing people and having them come through, will leave me with a nice bit of self assurance to sleep well, and wake up determined to make a day of it tomorrow.

I had given up on people and my place with others. Too many transient moments on the road, not enough reaching out, and not enough people reaching out to me. Constantly feeling disconnected left me discouraged and unwilling to try. What was really happening was that I just stopped trying, too easy to get into the ruts of prefashioned statements and the same old lines. I had past visions of feeling vibrant and alive with people, but somehow I found too much evidence that I was never going to have that again, and gave up. Its there, waiting. Maybe even better than before.

I truly am a creature that needs people. I need their encouragement, I need their attention, I need their feedback. Ive spent a lifetime trying to get rid of it, and it doesnt go away. I just end up depressed neurotic and ambivalent about everything.